Sun Signs and A Weird Day

Image courtesy of SunSignsMoonSigns

We Write Poems has a prompt this week all about conversation.  The poem I'm posting today, a rather long-ish tale which involves a number of conversations, is actually part of a collection I'm working on with (gasp!) rhyming anthropomorphics.

The reason I'm using it here today (beside any self-aggrandizing motives) is because Western Zodiac has been in the news recently, and therefore, it's kinda sorta timely.

In case you might be wondering, since the media has been covering those stories which state that now there are thirteen 'houses', 1.) I am an Aquarius and will always be an Aquarius.  So there!  and 2.) my poem only uses the traditional and original twelve.

Your Horoscope Says You’re Going to Have a Strange Day Because…

(The saga of a literal, naive and very earnest goat)

“If you haven’t found something strange during the day, it hasn’t been much of a day.” – John A. Wheeler

Today was such a strange, strange day:

At noon there was zebra

who asked a goat, “What is your sign?”

The goat said, “I’m a Libra.”

“Well, I am Sagittarius

and you know what that means,”

the zebra whispered to the goat,

“Yep, we are full of beans.”

The little goat looked very puzzled, and asked,

“What kind of beans?  I am confused -  

Did you mean string or lentil

or navy, pinto, green or just

some bean that’s incidental?”

“It really doesn’t matter now,

since legumes simply bore us,”

the zebra yawned and then he sniffed,

“Go ask the pig – he’s Taurus.”

The goat continued down the road

and quickly found the sty.

He ventured straight to Taurus pig;

he had to ask him why

those zebras whom one meets at noon

are mainly made of beans.

The pig turned to the billy goat

and quipped, “By any means,

“I wouldn’t know why zebra said

that I would know a thing

about some beans since I prefer

to sit and play with string,”

and then the pig, he snorted, “Ha!”

while lacing up so fine

a deftly strung cat’s cradle game

made fast with purple twine.

“I hope that you will solve your quest

which is at best precarious.”

He added, “Try the tiger’s house –

she’s hot – and she’s Aquarius.”

Perplexed, the billy goat begged leave

and hurried on his way.

The puzzle of the beans and such

could fill a dossier.

With trembling hoof, the young goat rang

the doorbell of the tigress.

She answered with the sweetest purr,

“Come in - and please be my guest!

“What brings you here to visit me

in my fe-lion lair?”

“I want to find what beans are which -

I’m baffled, I declare,”

the goat said to the tiger gal

with politesse most plain.

She said, “Your interest in those beans

seems weird.  Let’s toast.  Champagne?”

The goat demurred.  “I’ve wasted

your most precious time, o cat.”

She said, “You must be Virgo man.

They always act like that.”

“I am a Libra,” sighed the goat,

“of zodiac, I swear,”

“Well, my mistake,” the tiger sulked,

“then try the Aries hare.”

The goat said, “Thanks,” and headed off

to find the hare of Aries.

He soon got lost but got some help

from Leo twin canaries:

“Bewildered goat, don’t bother with

that hare, the cusp she’s on!

Instead, seek out a Scorpio –

go ask the stately swan.

“He’s down by yonder pond,” they chirped,

“beneath the willow tree.

If anyone can solve your bean

conundrum, it is he.”

And so the goat, he sauntered on

the path to yonder pond.

He wondered if this bean enigma’d

vex the great beau monde.

He also pondered on the point

of horoscopes: would Cancer

tortoises and terrapins

be quick to give an answer

should meeting with this wise old swan

prove to be mostly lacking.

He thought, Should I give up the bean

or should I just get cracking?

He didn’t have to think for long

because the swan did squawk,

“I know you’ve been in bean pursuit.

Come sit - let’s have a talk.”

The goatly lad spread out his legs

beneath the willow tree

“O wise old swan,” he queried thus,

“can you please answer me

“why Zebra, whom I met this noon,

says beans – and here I quote -

is what he’s fully full of – or

did he just get my goat?”

The swan confided to the kid,

“I really don’t know why

he said he’s Sagittarius

when he’s a Gemini,

“and also why he said he’s made

of beans, when that’s not true -

it’s more like something Capricorns

are known to say or do.

“I think the zebra surely meant

he’s full of old baloney

and clearly you must see that he’s

a phony one trick pony.”

“And also,” squeaked a small fruit bat

who’d wandered on this scene,

“I’d think you’d think it over first,

young goat, and use your bean

“to realize that things like this

do never make for crises,

and by the way, in passing

 I’d just like to note, I’m Pisces.”

Feeling like a fool, the little goat slapped himself upside his head.

“I feel so dumb; I fell for it!

the zebra saw me coming!”

the goat announced for all to hear,

“My brain, I fear, is numbing!”

“Get over it, what’s done is done,

and yes, that’s my opine,”

the fruit bat said while swooping ‘round,

“he is a swine equine.”

“I take exception,” squealed the pig

who joined this little pack,

“though pigs are not considered part of

Western zodiac.”

“I’m sorry,” blushed the small fruit bat,

not wishing to offend

another kind of species.

“I’ll try not to condescend:

“I only meant to offer some

advice and also have a

chat on all the sorts of beans

like snap, wax, pole or fava

“and how they mix with horoscopes

and anthropomorphic narration

especially when they come straight from

a fairy tale foundation.”

And then, suddenly, there was that proverbial flash of insight-light directly over the young billy goat’s head…

“I think I understand you, sir,”

the billy goat explained,

“I guess I should just see it as

I had been entertained

“instead of feeling as I do,

which is a wee bit tricked.

So, based on your astrology,

here is what I predict:

“Next time I see the zebra

when he’s trotting down the lane

I’ll ask if he’s still full of it,

‘though it might be in vain.

“But, it’s been written in the stars –

here’s what I really mean…

like Shakespeare said, the question is

to bean or not to bean.”

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