Thursday, January 14, 2016

Shopping Around

Fashion Store by August Macke/December 31, 1913/Public Domain per Wikimedia Commons
Edit:

I was informed, and rightly so, that I made a structural error to my verse (see the first version, at the bottom of this post below.)  Now, I admit to breaking poetic rules on occasion, but you gotta know the rules to break 'em.  And 'though I've written a number of Ovijello poems in the past, I forgot a key/signature element to this form.  I humbly apologize for my careless error.  That's what comes from writing in haste when one is tired, and full of hubris.

Here is the revised version of my poem.

It’s in the Cards

My credit cards await
their fate
which is to spend the max
at Saks
and other fancy shops
with stops
to buy some shoes and tops,
a handbag, lipstick, jewels.
No limit and no rules.
Their fate at Saks, with stops…

###

My brilliant poet friend De Miller Jackson is currently curating the Ovillejo poem form at dVerse. It's a really fun but challenging form, and since she rather cleverly dropped my name over on Facebook with regard to such things, I decided to play along.

Here's my entry:

Props

My credit cards await
their fate
which is to spend the max
at Saks
and other fancy shops
with stops
to buy some shoes and tops,
a handbag, lipstick, jewels…
No limit and no rules.
Ya gotta have your props.

###

Anyway, as you can see, I've obviously been away from my blog for a while, and whilst I make no promises presently, I figure it's all for creativity, and that is generally a very good thing.

32 comments:

  1. RJ! I'm so glad you played. I love your rhymes here. My understanding of the form is that the 10th line should pick up lines 2, 4 and 6, in a row, verbatim. I think with a few tweaks, this will meet the bill nicely. You're the Form Queen, always, in my book, Girl.

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    Replies
    1. Yikes! Fix is in - and thanks for the schooling. My bad. 8x

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    2. PERFECTION now! (Which, from experience, I knew you were capable of!) You truly are the form queen. Sorry to be the Rules Gestapo on this one, but you seriously rocked it.

      Your wit, humor and way of flowing words into forms always, always astounds me. I love your work.

      Delete
  2. Great to see you again, RJ! Your wit is right up to speed here.

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  3. Fun even before the needed tweaks and I love that picture.

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  4. Ah...missed that. Not usual for me, but (oh well). Tweak/revision coming. ��

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  5. Ah... Love the result... i wonder if this is easier on someone else's credit... Great to see you at dVerse :-)

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  6. I'll visit everyone else tonight after work. Sorry I haven't looked sooner, but ... life. (Ok - bad excuse, but I SHALL rectify things.) :D

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  7. Wow! This is such an awesome piece :D

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  9. What fun to shop without worrying about paying for it later on ~

    Lovely work on the form and thanks for joining in the fun ~

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  10. This is very fun and whimsical. I think the "correct" ending line really makes the poem so I'm glad you fixed it. ;) Peace, Linda

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  11. As one shopper to another, I loved it...and that title. Fun!

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  12. I like the last line of your original better than the revision, you've gotta have those props

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    Replies
    1. Thanks - and while I agree that both endings can work, De was right that I didn't follow the rules. Like I said earlier, it's okay to break rules, but only when you're sure of what you're doing. Since I made an error, I needed to make that change.

      In any event, I appreciate the input.

      Delete
  13. I think both versions are wonderful. Sometimes it is fun to break the rules.

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  14. Ah.. Art
    now human
    aLL dresSinG
    uP... Human
    flesh
    feeLinGs
    Sun on
    sKin..0%
    credit
    free
    Loan
    bONe iN
    Re-port
    oF uS..:)

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